


Happier

by MisterStealYoGirl



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Based on the preview for 318, Episode: s03e17 Heavenly Fire, M/M, This hurt my soul to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 10:33:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18408857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisterStealYoGirl/pseuds/MisterStealYoGirl
Summary: After everything Magnus has been through, the last thing he wanted was to lose Alec too. He regained his life, but he lost his heart.





	Happier

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry

When Magnus was already at his lowest, the words “we need to talk” cut deep.

 

“Alexander?”

 

Magnus was certain he couldn’t take anything more. He was already breaking. He thought he might shatter into pieces if he lost anything else.

 

Alec looked shaken and devastated. Magnus knew him well enough to see heartbreak behind his eyes. But there was something else too. Determination, he thought, or maybe resolve.

 

“I know,” Alec started and Magnus could hear him struggling for every word. “I know you don’t… believe me, Magnus… and that’s okay… but I meant it wh–… when I said I just wanted you to be happy. All I care about is how you feel.”

 

Alec took a shuddering breath and steeled himself for whatever he was going to say next. Magnus had never so desperately wanted someone to stop talking in his very long life.

 

“I love you, Magnus,” Alec choked. “But… I realize now, that you can never be happy with me.”

 

Magnus felt the world slow down around him as he tried to understand what Alec was saying. The problem was that it didn’t make sense. It sounded like his boyfriend was breaking up with him but Alec would never. He had just waxed poetic about how he loved Magnus regardless of his magic, regardless of if he’d ever be happy again or not.

 

“Alexander…” Magnus whispered. When he looked up into those eyes, he saw barely held back tears. “What are you doing?”

 

“I’m so sorry,” he said instead of answering. “I’m so sorry for everything you’ve lost because of me. You deserve the world Magnus and I can’t give it to you.”

 

“Alec…” Magnus grabbed his face, aching to his very bones to fix whatever this was. Whatever could break his soldier. “Is this because of what I said? At dinner? I didn’t…”

 

It was all he could do to hold back the insecurities that were working their way out of the dark corners of his mind. He should have known Alec would leave him. They all did.

 

_ He was supposed to be different. _

 

**_He is different._ **

 

There had to be a reason. Something Alec wasn’t telling him.

 

“I’ll always love you, Magnus.” Magnus could barely hear him even though they were standing just inches apart.

 

“I don’t understand,” Magnus said, stepping closer into Alec’s space. He was falling, spiraling, drowning. He needed Alec to stop whatever he was doing before his heart broke.

 

“Do you trust me,” Alec murmured.

 

“With my life, Alexander.” Magnus’ voice didn’t waver here. If there was one thing he still knew for sure it was this. 

 

“Then,” Alec took one last deep breath and said the words Magnus hoped they weren’t leading up to. “I need you to trust me when I say you’ll be happier without me.”

 

Magnus could almost hear his heart shatter like glass. The pain stole his breath away. He was too in shock to do anything but gape.

 

Alec looked small and defeated. Nothing about this felt right or natural. There had to be something going on here. But Magnus couldn’t breathe, let alone think.

 

_ Alec was leaving him. _

 

The thought stabbed him in the gut and he doubled over from the pain of it all. But there was a worse thought. A realization that ripped Magnus’ soul from his body.

 

_ Alec thought Magnus was better off without him. _

 

Alec wasn’t breaking up with him because he didn’t want to be with Magnus. His insecurities stilled. Magnus didn’t know what had caused Alec’s delusion but he intended to fix it. Magnus  _ needed _ Alec. He grabbed Alec shirt, clinging to him.

 

“Alexander, please,” he begged, voice ragged from breathlessness. “How could you possibly think…”

 

“I’m sorry,” Alec mumbled. He took Magnus’ hands from his shirt and held them.

 

“Don’t leave me,” Magnus said. His mind was still reeling. He couldn’t think of anything but keeping the man he loved by his side. Dignity be damned. “Please, I can’t lose you.”

 

Magnus saw the agony that caused. Alec had never been good at hiding his emotions from Magnus. Magnus pulled one hand free from Alec’s grip as it loosened and dragged Alec into a desperate tear-soaked kiss. When the kiss ended, he pressed their foreheads together.

 

“I love you, Alexander.”

 

“I love you too,” Alec answered, voice small, punched out, but sure. “I’ll thank the Angel forever for the time we’ve had.”

 

Alec stepped back and Magnus felt cold in his absence. There was nothing else he could do to convince Alec to stay and it hurt worse than hellfire.

 

“Goodbye, Magnus.”

 

Alec walked away. Every step down the hallway felt like a kick to the chest. The second Alec was out of his sight, Magnus collapsed on the floor and sobbed. 

 

Usually when Magnus cried, there was an end. But this time he couldn’t seem to stop. The pain rolled in waves, each ache bringing a fresh batch of tears with it. He released a pent up scream of anguish and angry red magic shot from his hands.

 

Magnus stilled as the decor around him shattered and the lights flickered out. His entire body was practically numb with the thrum of his magic beneath his skin.

 

_ His magic. _

 

_ His magic was back. _

 

He took another few seconds of of reflection before he realized he felt that inexplicable sign of his immortality again.

 

He was a warlock again. Himself again.

 

He ought to have been elated. This was all he’d wanted since he left Edom. He should have felt whole again. But, he was suspicious. His father had to have changed his mind, but Magnus didn’t know why. He doubted Asmodeus had had a change of heart.

 

Still, he had it back, whatever had happened. It was bittersweet. He got his magic, his immortality, but he lost his Alexander.

 

_ Alexander. _

 

Things started falling into place. He could almost see Alec sitting across from Asmodeus offering to bargain for Magnus’ magic. He could almost hear his father telling Alec his price.

 

“Break his heart to save his life.”

 

Magnus saw red. His father was trying to manipulate him. Asmodeus would stop at nothing to have Magnus at his side and this was just his latest ploy. But Asmodeus was not the boss of him. Alec had broken up with Magnus to give him back his life but Magnus’ life wasn’t worth losing his heart.

 

And it definitely wasn’t worth Alec losing his.

 

Nephilim only loved once. Magnus understood that more now that he had been mortal than he ever could have before. Alec only had one lifetime. And Magnus would be damned if he let Alec throw their love away.

 

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the paper charm Alec gave him after their date in Tokyo. It was supposed to bring him luck and protection, Alec had said. And it had. It had brought him Alec. Alec who had given up his only chance of lasting happiness for Magnus’.

 

Magnus willed his magic to the his finger tips, pleased at how in tune they still seemed to be. He imbued the omamori with pale blue energy, hoping to whatever gods existed that it would suffice for a spell to track his boyfriend.

 

He sensed Alec in the institute training room and pushed himself off the floor. Ragnor’s words, his bid for Magnus to fight for love, rang clear in his mind. With a snap of his fingers, he was dressed for battle. He felt his strength build as he strode down the hallway. He dared anything or anyone to stand in his way.

 

He had a shadowhunter to save.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because I know it’s going to be angstier than this. I just want to pretend for like a week that Magnus isn’t going to be taken away to edom okay?
> 
> Anyway, thoughts?
> 
> Twitter: @userwhatever15  
> Tumblr: @claiabelle


End file.
